I Eat With Gusto, Damn! You Bet - Jonathan Richman

Hello everyone, it’s time for poetry

I submit to you the following it’s entitled:

«I Eat With Gusto, Damn!

You Bet»

By one Jonathan Richman

When I eat like I do it

I use not fork nor spoon

No grace or culture to it

When I call my own tune

For I eat with gusto, damn you bet

A regular canine cruncher

Except truth be told I’m sloppier yet

Than many a dog food muncher

I eat a pound I eat a ton

And no there ain’t much I cuts up

And while I’m having merry fun

Bystanders puke their guts up

The FBI sent someone by

Who handles health affairs

I had not finished my cream pie

When he chanced up the stairs

Why did he turn the other way?

Why did he leave so quick?

Will he come back another day?

Did something make him sick?

I eat with gusto damn you bet

A regular doggie diner

«No, don’t bring me napkins waiter sir

Just bring some trash can liner»

Whilst wandering by a juice bar

I spied a tempting beverage

Since I would have been last in line

I used my fearsome leverage

For in my pocket was some food

Which I took from the wrapper

The patrons watched it being chewed

And of course headed for the crapper

For I eat with gusto damn you bet

For gusto I’m the boss

For yay my nose it is in the salad

And lo my chin it is in the sauce

I eat with gusto damn you bet

We’re sailing around the cape

«Keel-haul him,» said the bosun

«There must be no escape»

One sunny day in Paris an elegant cafe

A phone call there a phone call here

And the gendarmes took me away

I said «qu'est-ce qui se passe ici»

I said «mais qu’est-ce que c’est»

They said «such eating it is criminal

And crime it does not pay»

For I eat with gusto damn you bet

My banner yay unfurled

My shirt is covered with mustard

And my hair with ketchup curled

Goodbye to Egypt, Greece and Rome

The ancient world goodbye

May squalor be my summer home

And filth be my neck tie

For I eat with gusto damn you bet

Uh, and uh, I eat with gusto damn you bet

My country tis of thee

I eat for social progress

I eat for victory

Somebody died who watched me eat

In a restaurant one spell

He woke up and saw me eating beans

And knew that he’d gone to hell

For uh, «he eats with gusto damn we bet»

They’re calling from the south

They want to stop my gusto

They want to close my mouth

«You eat with gusto, yeah that’s great

Now let us off this bus»

Wait a minute I haven’t finished eating up stuff yet

«We'll call you, don’t call us»