The Laird of Inversnecky - Momus

'I'd rather sleep with her with no clothes on than you in your best suit'

I said to my dummy at the Winter Gardens, Rothesay, Isle of Bute

While the manager, praying for rain, watched the £50 grey clouds

Rolling in

Knowing if it rained we’d get the crowds

Knowing if it rained we’d get the crowds

Born in Greenock, 'the Tall Drole' was known to all

Worked in the mines and the mills but ended up in music hall

Maidie played the accordion, she was 'the Small Doll'

We could bring the hoose doon, nae bother at a'!

It all seems like yesterday, though you weren’t alive

The Panopticon, the Trongate, Glasgow 1935

In the name of the wee man, here comes Funny Clive

God, it made you glad to be alive

It’s the Laird of Inversnecky here, aye you ken me weil

With ma cast of characters frae places that are nearly real

Cold today!

Aye!

That’s why we’re by the seaside

Everybody come

To the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion

Every single night is fun!

I began as the panto tea boy

Became the canny Scot

Like a chimney sweep on a ladder to very top

Synonymous for many with my famous character

The Reverend IM Jolly the morose minister

The character comedians you may see today

Where’d they get their talent for remarkable mimicry?

It’s plain to see, it came from me

I saw them scribbling away

They all laughed like crazy

At my «hoity-toity ladies»

'The flag at the castle is half mast high

Let’s all go down to Mackie’s for a wee cup of tea'

It’s the Laird of Inversnecky here, back to make you greet

The Portobello pierrots they cannae compete

At the Aberdeen Beach Pavilion

Sixteen bloody years we’ve run

And every single night of it’s been fun!

Every single bloody night’s been fun!