Advice from a Divorced Gentlemen to His Bachelor Friend Considering Marriage - Of Montreal

You should stay away from roses

And be careful to avoid

chocolate hearts

Keep distant from romantic notions

Cause that’s where love

most often starts

Be sure to steer clear of diamonds

And mink coats are most certainly out too

For if she goes in for that kind of thing

Just might fall then what you will do

You know you’ve always been the sort

Who’s truly only fond of the sport

And who will never be satisfied

Reclining in slippers by the fireside

With a wife’s constant nagging

for things that you can’t provide

Who no longer bears resemblance

to that soft spoken flower

You were so desperate to have for your bride

Too much conversing with a woman

tends to dull a man’s wit

Never be taken in by poets

Who claim that love if it’s pure will never fade

Though love may last all right in a bibliotheque

In the real world man its too easily unmade

So don’t take your freedom for granted

Don’t let curiosity take you for a ride

As years drag on when you wake up next to her

You’ll wish that in your sleep you had died

You’ll wish you had died