Hieeee - Alaska Thunderfuck

Everybody

Welcome to the show

The rules of engagement are really quite simple

So if you could pull yourself away from Grindr for two seconds

Listen up

The use of flash photography is strictly mandatory

Do you think I look like this so I can exist in your feeble memory?

(HA!)

Take a picture and I’ll last forever!

Get your drinks now people

The more you drink, the prettier we look

Is this your boyfriend, honey?

Not anymore!

Tipping is compulsory

If you don’t know what compulsory means

I’ll spell it out for you

Tip.

These.

Men!

It takes a lot of money to look this cheap darling!

Be kind to your entertainers

If you see a flaw, squint

If you see a bulge, don’t be mad!

Some of the most beautiful women in the world have gigantic penises!

If you see something you don’t like

Something unseemly or offensive

Something vile or disgusting

We’ll be happy to take your complaints after the show!

At the corner of 'fuck you and go fuck yourself avenue.com!'

I’ll see you there!

Bring a sweater

If you think you can do better, sweetheart

I implore you

Put on a wig and mash your mouth around to other people’s music for 4 and a

half minutes

It’s not as easy as it looks!

Do you need a hairpiece?

Here, you can borrow mine!

Show generosity to these monstrosities!

Respect, kindness, compassion!

And most of all, whenever possible

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell us we look gorgeous

Tell me I look gorgeous!

Do I look gorgeous?

(YEAH!)

Okay, but how about sexy?

(YEAH!)

Okay, alright, but how about sensual?

(YEAH!)

Alright, but how about breathtaking?

Jeez!

(YEAH!)

I swear its like pulling teeth to get a little tiny compliment out of you

people!

Now let’s review everybody!

Your makeup is terrible

If you’re not wearing nails, you’re not doing drag

Don’t ever touch my hair

Anus

I love your pussy

Give me all your money

Absolutely

Come on nature!

Come on natch!

Come on build-up!

OKCURRRRRRRR

Hieeeeeee!

Hieeeeeee!

Hieeeeeee!

Everybody, everywhere

Everybody, everywhere

Hieeeeeee!

Hiee, hiee, hieee, hieee, hiee

Hieeeeeeee!