No Bugs on Me - Baba Brinkman

Now the monkey swings by the end of his tail

As he flies from tree to tree

Well there may be monkey in some of you guys

But there ain’t no monkey in me

And there ain’t no bugs on me

There ain’t no bugs on me

There may be bugs on some of you mugs

But there ain’t no bugs on me

Yeah, there ain’t no bugs on me

Just on you liberal freaks…

Who says science and religion will never harmonize?

When science explains religion then we’ll have a compromise

But not the specific magical claims

I’m talkin' about the relevant psychological states

Like, for instance, why is Darwinism such a toxic

Proposition for conservative religions

But not for liberal religions like Episcopalianism

See, it’s not the religion, it’s the conservatism

So what’s the difference between conservatives and liberals?

Moral psychologists have a definition that’s simple

Liberals like myself are just higher in a stable

Personality trait known as ‘openness to experience'

We think novelty’s great — new people, new places

New types of food, new lovers whenever someone

Inspires the mood, and it might seem like this life is a dream

But novelty is the place where parasites breed

Which gives us a delicious little testable prediction

For the scientific method to consider

Namely that openness to experience and liberalism

Should be influenced by micro-organisms

In your environment, and does the evidence agree?

Man, you wouldn’t believe how much your political leanings

Can be predicted by the local threat of infectious disease

So all my social conservatives sing!

There ain’t no bugs on me

There ain’t no bugs on me

There may be bugs on some of you mugs

But there ain’t no bugs on me

So let’s celebrate every universal of humanness

Like the fact that xenophobia is an immune defense

Where the brain gets a signal from the lymphatic system

That says: «Be afraid of anything that’s dramatically different»

And fundamentalism is the same kinda fear

Dangerous bugs, dangerous people, and Darwin’s dangerous idea

But it’s not about intellect — well, if you wanna get picky

Openness correlates with intelligence moderately

But I have creationist cousins, and they’re as smart as whips

And they think I’m retarded for being a Darwinist

And maybe I am retarded, maybe my liberalism

Is like a form of autism, like my brain is disconnected

From traditional ethics, ‘cause I’m always disrespecting

Apparently arbitrary religious messages

Like when a devout jew or muslim says the blood of a menstruating

Woman is unclean, what the hell does that mean?

Is it somehow different than if she cuts her finger when she’s cookin'

And bleeds?

How is it immoral if it doesn’t hurt someone?

I just don’t get it, to me blood is blood

And ladies, I’m down to prove it when it’s time to cut a rug

If you’re bleeding and horny, just give me a warning and we’ll

Put a towel down to save the sheets and go ‘til three in the morning

Ugh, no wonder conservatives hate godless liberals

So all my Tory brethren sing along, and it goes…

There ain’t no bugs on me

There ain’t no bugs on me

There may be bugs on some of you mugs

But there ain’t no bugs on me

Yeah, the modern liberal is a recent mutant

A novelty-seeking novelty of evolution

But don’t you start feelin' too much like the X-Men

‘Cause I can test your openness with targeted questions

Like for instance — imagine your family dog dies

And you all decide to memorialize the poor old guy

By eating him stir-fried, are you on the wrong side

Of the moral equation, and if not one is harmed, why?

As a committed liberal I can see both sides

But everyone has a bit of a conservative bias

‘Cause those who don’t get naturally deselected

Like for instance, pregnant women are measurably

More xenophobic in their first trimester

‘Cause the fetus gives them an immuno-compromised system

So next time you listen to Nick Griffin or Glenn Beck

And you get vexed, like «fuck this little hate-monger insect!»

Just think of it as an immune system imbalance

Like a pregnant woman who pukes every time she eats salads

And if you wanna see the end of oppression in Palestine

Or homophobia in Uganda, or female genital mutilation

In the Sudan, well then maybe the answer

Is water sanitation and a vaccination agenda

So let’s all just sing along to the words of wisdom

It’s the germ theory of conservatism

There ain’t no bugs on me

There ain’t no bugs on me

There may be bugs on some of you mugs

But there ain’t no bugs on me