Doin' It the Hard Way - Betty Hutton

At the early age of three

It first occured to me

A girl should always try to improve herself.

While the others played with toys

I practiced charm and poise.

And finished Dr. Elliot’s five foot shell.

I exercised each morning,

Cold creamed my face each night,

Saw my dentist twice a year,

Curbed my appetite.

And so I modestly admit

It didn’t help one single bit!

Some girls can make any man dream

By flashing an innocent gleam.

Me, I do and hiccup, curl my upper lip up,

Light a roman candle and scream.

I have to do it the hard way!

Some girls can wear any old rags

And capture the wolves and the stags.

Me, I dress in sables, walk across the tables

Waving three American flags.

I have to do it the hard way.

Let’s say there’s a dance

They’re playing a waltz.

And I want romance,

That’s when I begin turning sommersalts.

Some girls can keep men on their toes

By smiling and throwing a rose,

Me, I wrack my noodle, whistle «Yankee Doodle»

Balancing a broom on my nose.

Oh Ima telling you why!

I have to do it the hard way.

I have to do it the hard way.

Suppose there’s a park,

A boy on a bench.

I’m out for a lark

So I make him fall with a monkey wrench.

When someone like Hedy Lamarr

Steps into the swankiest bar,

All the fellas get up Light her cigarette up.

Me, I’d have to smoke a cigar.

And then they call me a car.

Dr., is there a chance for me?

Can’t you cure this insanity?

I’m tired of tearing up the town being one of the sights

Wearing funny hats trimmed in neon lights.

Why must all I always be bettered and scorned

Doin' everything the hard way?