Who Put the Stump? - Bob Rivers

I’d like to find the guy

Who done me wrong

And stuck my faget arse up

On this Christmas tree

Who put the stump

In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?

Who took and jammed it

In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?

Who stood the wood

Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?

Who put the stick

Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who was that man?

He shoved it up my can

And left me stranded on this Christmas tree.

(Yeah …)

When this angel heard

Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop

A dreadful fear went right into my heart

Those pine tree needles sting me

Ram-a-jam-a-ram-a-jammin' in my ding dong

You’ll never know how much that smarts.

(Hooah …)

So who put the stump

In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump?

Who took and jammed it

In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?

Who stood the wood

Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?

Who put the stick

Up my hipty-dipty-dip?

Who took that bush

And crammed it in my tush?

He made this angel beg for mercy, please.

(Yow …)

Each night when I’m alone

Scratchity scratchity scratchity scratchity

Scratchity scratchity shoop …

It sets my tiny bottom all aglow

And every time I wiggle

Slipty-din-de-din, slipty-din-de-din

A little further in it goes.

(Ohhh/Yeah …)

(Rump-ba-bump-ba-bump

Ram-a-lam-a ding dong

Slipty-din-de-din

Poopity poopity shoop …)