The Diet - Bobby Bare

Breakfast, black coffee, one slice of dry toast

No butter, no jelly, no jam

Lunch, just some lettuce, two celery stalks

No booze, no potatoes, no ham

Dinner, one chicken wing, broiled not fried

No gravy, no biscuits, no pie

And this dietin', dietin', dietin', dietin'

Sure is a rough way to die

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune

A glass of skim milk and that’s all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial

It’s drivin' me right up the wall

And I’m thinkin' of french fries, sausage and waffles

Spaghetti and cookies and cake

And each night I’m dreamin' of chocolate ice cream

And I’m starvin' to death when I wake

All for your sake

At work I am known as the king of right crisp

I get mad but I’m too weak to fight

Watching the boys eat them big bologna sandwiches

I’d sell my soul for a bite

The moon is a big piece of sweet watermelon

The sun is a big old fried egg

And keep that dog out of house or I swear

I’ll bite off a piece of his leg

You’re fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes

But it’s bouillon and water for me

And you got a lock on the refrigerator

Lord knows where you’re hidin' the key

While I’m starvin' for food late at night

I’m starvin' for lovin' from you

But you say that when I can see my own dick

You’ll be glad to look at it too

Supper, two pieces of cauliflower, raw

Some beefsteak the size of a nail

One sliced tomato, a small dab of slaw

I swear I ate better in jail

Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose

Girl that’s the least you can do

And put down that candy bar while I’m singin'

I’m starvin' my ass off for you

So pass me a carrot stick, peel me a prune

A glass of skim milk and that’s all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial

It’s drivin' me right up the wall

And I’m thinkin' of french fries, sausage and waffles

Spaghetti and cookies and cake

And each night I’m dreamin' of chocolate ice cream

And I’m starvin' to death when I wake

All for your sake

All for your sake

All for your sake