Dinner Lady - Cabbage

I’m a dinner lady

In a private school

Where the lips are so stiff

And Jack Wills is so cool

I wear a baseball cap

And thus branded a fool

But if you piss me off

Then you’ll be eating my drool

When not stealing food

Or hiding in the loos

I’m dragged up on the hot counter to serve a ball of food

A fat teacher approaches

With a wobbly hip

And I politely inform her that we’re all out of chips

She gives me a glare

As I bite my finger tips

I offer new potatoes and she absolutely flips

But then I ponder how hard her life must be

I mean it’s all on a plate

Thanks to mama and daddy

But regardless of the car

And this cushy job

This bitch won’t settle without corn on the cob

And then one day

I got so bored and idle

Served enough sausage rolls to make me suicidal

To combat this state I had a wank in the quiche

And I watched the head master get it stuck to his teeth

Ohhh

I’m a dinner lady

Oh I want a sausage roll

Suffice to say I wasn’t bored any more

And I couldn’t stop my laughing as I scrubbed up on the floor

And next time Jeffery’s mother asked him what he had for tea

He can tell it was a fluid

That once belonged to me

Oh

It’s all for me

I’m a dinner lady

It’s all for me

Oh

I am a dinner lady

Life as a dinner lady

Oh and it’s a true story