Short Mort - Carole King

Well the district of the Rhine-Ruhr

Is diverse with tall and short

And should you visit there

You’ll wanna be prepared

For a dwarf named Mighty Mort

Now Mortie’s rather scrappy

You see he stands ‘bout two foot four

All the Altstadt ladies call him kneecap lover

All the mens just call him squirt

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort

The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf

Shorter than a young Dauchhound

And quicker than a prarie dog

Now Mortie he’s a drinker

And he likes his Altbier cool

And he likes to pick a pocket clean

In back of drunken people’s stools

He’s got his tiny lederhosen

He’s got his green felt hat on fine

He got a 1mil.

Luger for a pocket shooter

He got a thimble for a stein

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort

The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf

Shorter than a young Dauchhound

And quicker than a prarie dog

Well Friday 'bout a week ago

Mortie’s sucking suds

And on the ledge of the bar

Leaned a chap named Otis

Who wore some fancy duds

Well he snuck up right behind him

But a scuffle soon enued

And Mighty Mort got a whoopin

For touchin' the ass of an English dude

Well he’s short, short Mighty Mort

The shortest dwarf in all Düsseldorf

Shorter than a young Dauchhound

And quicker than a prarie dog

Well the whole bar started laughin'

And when they pulled the two apart

Mortie looked like a wienerschnitzel

In a bowl full of sauerkraut