The Tale of The Oyster - Howard McGillin, Cole Porter, Evans Haile

Down by the sea lived a lonesome oyster

Every day getting sadder and moister

He found his home life awf’lly wet

And longed to travel with the upper set

Poor little oyster

Fate was kind to that oyster we know

When one day the chef from the Park Casino

Saw that oyster lying there

And said «I'll put you on my bill of fare.»

Lucky little oyster

See him on his silver platter

Watching the queens of fashion chatter

Hearing the wives of millionaires

Discuss their marriages and their love affairs

Thrilled little oyster

See that bivalve social climber

Feeding the rich Mrs. Hoggenheimer

Think of his joy as he gaily glides

Down to the middle of her gilded insides

Proud little oyster

After lunch Mrs. H. complains

And says to her hostess, «I've got such pains

I came to town on my yacht today

But I think I’d better hurry back to Oyster Bay.»

Scared little oyster

Off they go through the troubled tide

The yacht rolling madly from side to side

They’re tossed about till that fine young oyster

Finds that it’s time he should quit his cloister

Up comes the oyster

Back once more where he started from

He murmured, «I haven’t a single qualm

For I’ve had a taste of society

And society has had a taste of me.»

Wise little oyster