Pistol Dave - Epic Beard Men, Sage Francis, B. Dolan

Boom boom boom!

What’s up now, motherfucker?

Dave, the ex-con driving old trucks

Don’t give a flyin' fuck if you’re sober or drunk

Just move the hell over punk, hurry up go

Dave threw a Big Gulp out the window

There’s a pair of testicles hangin' off the back bumper

Where’s the dick?

Sittin' in the driver’s seat, brother

Dave, the dusted dirtbag burnout, we found him passed out in the bathroom of

some girl’s house

When he came to he was still in a daze he said

‘What it do… I'm Pistol Dave'

Dave, the codeine freak with lower back pain

Always knows a guy who knows a guy from back in the day

Always like, ‘Hey, I knew your pops growin' up

Looks like the fart doesn’t fall far from the butt

Tell your moms I said what up

Ask your nana how lesbians make love

Hey… when can we take drugs?'

Dave, the dope fiend shootin' dopes

Who don’t know the meaning of homie nor bloke

He said ‘I got bullets, hurry up run!'

Way too many triggers for a man with one gun

He said ‘It's no fun bein' all work, or at least I’d rather work this piece,

peace, be back in a minute.

Don’t leave.'

But like my dad don’t expect him back when he goes for smokes

Legend has it I’m still waiting for Dave in Park Slope

Dave, the first to draw the quickest to aim (the quickest to aim)

The fully loaded love we made (the love we made)

He shot me through the heart and now we’ll never be the same

So I sit and wait for Pistol Dave

This dude was not the one to idolize

More like the one to me to quickly say aight goodbye, never liked the guy

The crew was drunk the driver’s twice as high

Jumped ship, whole life flashin' before my eyes

Who the fuck is this?

Dave would bump his ugly lips, drove the bus half lit

Few cans short of a six pack, flashing Russian prison tats (what?)

I asked ‘im if he’d like to smoke

He said ‘I'd like to get wet'

I said 'I'd like to get home.'

He said ‘I'd like to get head'

Commenced to using the CB to move his HPV

My views of human decency would cease to be the same…

But at least he was cheap he left without getting paid

That’s Dave, the roadhog swallowin' dust who bought his own trucks with

Marlboro Bucks

That’s Dave, the first plague monkey in space

I asked him for my lighter

He punched me in the face

That’s Dave, the truck stop handjob king

Copped lube from the bathroom vending machine

Got MEAN when we asked about the missing amount

Took two bouncers and three cops to bring him down

That’s Dave…

You have a prepaid call

You will not be charged for this call

This call is from an inmate at a federal prison

This call is being recorded and is subject to monitoring

Hang up to decline the call or to accept

Whoo!

Started on a 69

Kissin' on a hot piece of puss in between sips of fizzy wine

These twin city piggies tryin' to hit me with a fine

Like my middle initial isn’t ‘gimme mine'

Got me out there huggin' her shoulder

Like there hasn’t always been dispensaries up in Boulder

Like they’s never mention on me when they speak of the devil

My name’s Dave the pistol’s made of metal

I told a webcam model ‘Call me Martian Brando'

The bandana headband hair like Rambo

Commando but the pants still saggin'

Dabbin' in the bathroom with the mother of dragons

She put the bus in reverse

She mixed the dust with the herb and then we fucked in the church

Trenchcoat feelin' like Judd Nelson

Yo, Dave, what the fuck are they yellin'?