A Pocket or Two - Henry Bowers

People call me Pickey — pickin' pocket’s my profession

And I master my craft — do you have any questions?

I’m happy to demonstrate the tricks of the trade

Sneak up on ‘em — do your thing and then be quick to evade

Just the old in-and-out without even being noticed

Except for the empty space the pockets of their coats get

But when they finally realize it I’ll be far away

You know — kind of on my way to try to find another prey

Live to fight another day — that’s a motto that I follow

I’m still gonna grab some wallets when I’m coming back tomorrow

I ain’t dumb — I know my income kind of would

Be more steady with a more secure livelihood

But I’m not in the mood for a job interview

‘cause my chances of getting it they are minimal

Pick a pocket or two and remember the thought

It is not criminal if you never get caught

Dressed like a slob — can’t get a job

Ain’t got muscle like the rest of the mob

If you fit the description then I’m talkin' to you

You gotta pick a pocket or two

The devil dances in an empty pocket of course

I will try to fill mine with the content of yours

Showin' patience won’t get me far — motivational seminars

At the unemployment office only tame me and make me soft

«start off at the bottom — hope to get some prosperity

Maybe as a trainee with next to no salary»

Insanity — it’s time to get this here banana pealed

‘cause damn it feels like a hamster wheel so we don’t have a deal

I’m sick of all this — think I’ll stick to pickin' pockets

The tricky part is just to figure how to pick your targets

But I think I’ve got it — first rule is elementary

Don’t go for the scruffy looking coats — they’ll be empty

But also do not go for the fanciest jackets

Their wallets got no cash — only carrying plastic

The rich get a free pass — yes the shit is twisted

Goddamned credit cards they are messin' with my business

Some pick pockets in packs — but me I’m working alone

Try to keep it more discrete — that’s how I earn what I own

The bump-into-technique is frequently exercised

But it ain’t for me — eventually you’ll be recognized

Some create a diversion to get their target distracted

Shove a hand into their pocket — then their wallet’s retracted

OK technique but it’s time consuming as hell

I’m just lightfingered — smooth and I’m moving in stealth

I tell you this felony ain’t for mentally daft

It takes one hell of a fella — it is a delicate craft

Not here to dwell on the past but it ain’t how it used to be

The way of this digital age confuses me

I’m used to snatchin' metal coins and paper bills

But nowadays it requires a new set of skills

‘cause money moves into computers where they’re keepin' it catalogued

Soon all money is digital but my digits are analog