To Fall Asleep - Holding Absence

Bittersweet remedy — Heal me

I’ve tried to be everything you need of me

I’m not holding my breath, I know that ruin merely rests

I can feel it pressed against my chest

Like a virus, I’ve tried to find us, a way out of this hole

With my hands pressed against my nose

I’m trying to be holy, but I still don’t feel whole

I’m trying to be holy, but I still don’t feel whole

Can’t you see that it’s haunting me, every night when I try to sleep?

I’m so weak

Burdened by the epiphany that misery’s periphery won’t let me be

The grass is always greener when you live in black and white

I try to close my eyes, imagine everything’s alright

But honey like an arrow, sewn into a quiver

It’s in my marrow, it’s in my liver

You watch me wilt away like a flower without rain

There’s nothing you can do, honey, please just look away

I am nailed to this cross, and I must carry it alone

I’d ask you to hold my hands but they’re worn to the bone

Can’t you see that it’s haunting me, every night when I try to sleep?

I’m so weak

Burdened by the epiphany

That misery’s periphery won’t let me be

Bittersweet remedy — Leave me

Its shadow follows me

I try to fall asleep

Fall asleep

I try to fall asleep