If I Was with a Woman - Ian Dury

If I was with a woman she’d wonder what was happening

Little things would slowly go askew

If I was with a woman I’d make her quite unhappy

'Specially when she did not want me to

If I was with a woman I’d make believe I loved her

When all the time I would not like her much

If I was with a woman she’d soon become unsettled

I’d show her but I would not let her touch

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Laughing, laughing

If I was with a woman I’d never ask her questions

But if she did not want me to I would

If I was with a woman I’d offer my indifference

And make quite sure she never understood

If I was with a woman I’d threaten to unload her

Every time she asked me to explain

If I was with a woman she’d have to learn to cherish

The purity and depth of my disdain

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Laughing, laughing

I’ve been with a woman, she took away my spirit

No woman’s coming close to me again

I’ve been with a woman, she took away my spirit

No woman’s coming close to me again

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Look at them laughing

Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing

Laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing, laughing…