Razzle in My Pocket - Ian Dury

In my yellow jersey, I went out on the nick.

South Street Romford, shopping arcade

Got a Razzle magazine, I never paid

Inside my jacket and away double quick.

Good sense told me, once was enough

But I had a cocky eye on more of this stuff

With the Razzle in my pocket, back to have another peek

Instead of being sneeky I strolled inside,

I put my thieving hand on something rude

I walked right out with a silhouette of nudes

'Hold on sonny' said a voice at my side

'I think you’ve taken one of my books'

Passers by gave me dirty looks

'Not me mister' I bravely lied

We stopped by the window of a jeweller’s shop

'If it’s money for your lunch, I’d have given you a loan

Have you got any form, were you on your own?

Round to the station and we’ll tell the cops'

'I'm ever so ashamed, it was wicked and rash

Here’s the book back, and here’s the cash

I never stole before, I promise I’ll stop'

'Crime doesn’t pay, you’ve got honest eyes

If we go to the law another thief is born

And I’ll get the book back, creased and torn

So return what you’ve taken and apologise'

I gave him back his nudie book

I said I was sorry, I slung my hook

With the Razzle in my pocket as the second prize