Global Warming - John Grant

You people and your cute little terms you like to throw around and make

everybody squirm

Upper class, middle class, lower class, Sassafras

Everybody these days thinks that they’re a bad-ass

How am I supposed to live in a world with no Madeline Kahn my favourite girl is

gone

and Bonnie Doon’s is now an auto zone

31 is trash and now I just want to be left alone

Global warming is ruining my fair complexion

Augmenting all my imperfections

And Brazil does not need more encouragement

Global warming encourages slack jawed troglodytes

To leave their homes with guns and knives

In search of bodily refreshments and some homicide

I’m so sick of hearing people talk about the sun

They sound like a bunch of Aztec Indians

And all they do is hang out clogging up the streets

Congratulating each other on their pedicured feet

Sure I like to see the fella’s skateboard in their Vans

Stripped down to their shorts so they can work on their tans

I know I shouldn’t care cause I’m a taken man

But I guess you can look, nobody said that you can’t

Global warming is ruining my fair complexion

Augmenting all my imperfections

And Brazil does not need more encouragement

Global warming encourages slack jawed troglodytes

To leave their homes with guns and knives

In search of bodily refreshments and some homicide

All I’ve got are first world problems

I guess I better get some more third world kind