The Gnu Song - John Lithgow

A year ago last Thursday

I was strolling in the zoo

When I met a man

Who thought he knew the lot

He was laying down the law

About the habits of baboons

And the number of quills a porcupine has got

So I asked him what’s that creature there

He answered, «I-It's a helk»

I might have gone on thinking that was true

If the animal in question hadn’t

Put that cap to shame

and remarked «I h-ain't a Helk»

I’m a Gnu

I’m a Gnu

I’m a Gnu

The G-nicest work of G-nature in the zoo

I’m a Gnu

How do you do?

You really ought to know

who’s who

I’m a Gnu

Spelled G-N-U

I’m g-not a camel or a kangaroo

So let me introduce

I’m g-neither man or moose

Oh G-no, G-no, G-no — I’m a Gnu

I had taken furnished lodgings down on Rustington-on-Sea

Whence I traveled on to Ashton-under-Lyme

And the second night I stayed there

I was wakened from a dream

Which I’ll tell you all about some other time

Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my head

Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew

A bison, no it’s not a bison

An okapi, I don’t think it’s an okapi

Could it be a hartebeest?

When I seemed to hear a voice

I’m a Gnu

I’m a Gnu

a g-nother Gnu

I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you

I’m a Gnu

How do you do?

You really ought to k-now

a who’s who

I’m a Gnu

Spelled G-N-U

Call me bison or okapi and I’ll sue

G-nor am I in the least like that dreadful heartebeest

I’m a Gnu

I’m a Gnu

I’m a Gnu