Grandpa's Thanksgiving Story - Larry The Cable Guy

Many years ago… Christopher Columbus and his pilgrim buddies come to America

on a boat called the Mayflower to live because the English King wouldn’t let

the Jewish people go

So Moses, who was a friend of Christopher Columbus, rented 3 boats:

the Mayflower, the Santa Maria, and the USS Enterprise

When they landed on America, and indian squaw, named Sacagawea, met them and

traded them pelts for beer, and then showed them how to de-gut a rabbit

That night her friends danced around with their boobs hanging out and balanced

clay pots on their heads

The head pilgrim then baptized all the Indians to be Christians and they shot

turkeys and played horseshoes

It was General Custer’s birthday, and three Oriental Kings showed up with gifts

of myrrh and other crap

Many pilgrims did not survive the first winter because they didn’t have heat

because Jimmy Carter who was president of the Pilgrims had an oil embargo

Sacagawea and her Indian friends burnt buffalo turds and heated the camp

The pilgrims was thankful

However it smelled so bad animals come outta the forest two by two

The Lord then made a rainbow appear, to show that he would never make turds

burn again, and cause a horrible smell

Sacagawea fell in love with Kemosabe, and they were married on that first

Thanksgiving, and lived in a tent with wheels. That’s right

All the pilgrims were glad to be away from the king, and to beat that they all

landed right on Thanksgiving day

Charlton Heston was then elected president

My grandpa was REALLY drunk