Adopduction - Les Savy Fav

Kidnapped!

I was kidnapped

I dreamed I was kidnapped

I dreamed I was kidnapped

By a guy with a moustache

And a chick with an eyepatch

Who thought they could trade me back

For some quick cash

But when they relayed the bargain

My family said, «We'll pay half that.»

The haggling went on for days

The days went on for weeks and weeks for years

Riding in the trunk was never fun

But soon I plum ran out of tears

They camped us in the woods, we cooked canned goods

They never threatened me with pain

They treated cops politely, driving nightly

Always using coded names

So if slowly I could trust them

Dare I say it even love them, who’s to blame?

I learned my alphabet and letterset

While setting up my latest ransom note

They got me correspondence classes, gave me glasses

Gave me dropcloths in the cold

My fondest memories are from my hostage crises

I know it’s strange

Although we got so close

You know they never even told me their real names