Bill of Goods - Loudon Wainwright, III

Couldn’t make the effort

You couldn’t talk the chit-chat

At the dinner table you looked tired

The soft candle light couldn’t hide that

Your perfume petered out

There was a whiff from your nicked armpit

When the real you wafted through

And your deodorant

Couldn’t stop it

There was a fire in your building

They still don’t know what caused it

But all your clothes and shoes burned up

When it spread to your closet

You had on your see-through night gown

Not quite completely naked

You refused the fire chief

When he offered you the blanket

Everything will be alright

Remember when you thought that?

I sold you that bill of goods

Remember when you bought that?

Common knowledge has it

Easy never does it

We gave each other such a hard time

It sure was fun or was it an adventure or disaster

Kinda sweet or sorta sour

Nothing’s that important

When it takes more than half an hour

And if you’re gonna catch it

Pray that day that they can cure it

And the procedure is painless

So somehow we’ll all endure it

And if there’s surgery it’s plastic

And entirely cosmetic

So the new you is near perfect

For some so unatheletic

Everything will be alright

Remember when you thought that?

I sold you that bill of goods

Remember when you bought that?

Everything will be alright

Remember when you thought that?

I sold you that bill of goods

Remember when you bought that?

Everything will be alright