Conspiracies - Loudon Wainwright III

We don’t believe in?

You know who?

But we don’t let the kids know it

We’re parents, who are grown ups

There’s a line we have to toe it

But we’re part of a conspiracy

About this bearded big fat guy

Who isn’t real, who never lived

Who’s old, but doesn’t die

We went to the department store

We climbed out on that limb

Told the kids that it was?

You know who?

We said that bum was him

Then we placed them on his knee

To me, the knee seemed rather bony

Happily they sat though chatting with that phony

Told the kids we could provide the proof

Deceit, how I hate it

We put out the milk and cookies

Yes, I admit I drank and ate it

Then that fib about the North Pole

Is if any Elves could live there

We helped to write and send that letter

Knowing full well, it went nowhere

You know who comes down the chimney

How could such a fat man fit?

The whole thing is preposterous

Yet we get children to buy it

We have no shame, the lies pile up

You think at least we’d bark

When we sing of red nosed reindeer

And snowmen who dance and talk

Well it’s just a harmless story

A fairytales and Christmas fun

Not unlike that other theory

The one about Gods Son

Where Angels talk to shepherds

Wise men troop after a star

And a Virgin has a baby

Boy that’s fetched pretty far

But we adults buy that conspiracy

We toe and swallow that old line

Disappearing milk and cookies

What about that bread and wine?

It’s enough to make you hesitate

It’s enough to give you pause

Perhaps it’s just as crucial

Kids believe in?

You know who?