Grown Man - Loudon Wainwright III

You got a grown man for a boyfriend

So you better treat him just like a baby

He’s a saint on Sunday, he’s a bum on Monday;

The rest of the week he’s just crazy

He’s unpredictable, like an animal

Proud as an eagle, big and strong like a bear;

He’s a snake and a frog, he’s a pig and a dog;

There’s a menagerie that’s living in there

You’ll be his princess--forever after, yes--

If you keep acting like you’re always sixteen

He is the king, ruling the kingdom’s his thing;

Just remember his mother is queen

Sometimes he fools around when he goes out of town

But sooner or later he’s bound to get caught

He loves coming home, but then he has to roam;

Mr. Ambivalence is the guy that you’ve got

He’s got some problems--no, you can’t solve them--

He’s got some goblins he can’t exorcise

Mostly he wants to cry, he’s afraid to die

But he’s living life like it’s a booby prize

He wishes he were young, a little better hung

And he’s paranoid you feel that way too;

So reassure him, you’ll never cure him

But he still needs his daily dose of you

You got a grown man for a boyfriend

So you better treat him just like a baby

Yeah, he’s a saint on Sunday, he’s a bum on Monday;

The rest of the week…

He’s asleep on Sunday, he’s a beast on Monday;

Rest of the week…

He’s blue on Sunday, and he’s manic on Monday;

Rest of the week he’s just crazy