Tip That Waitress - Loudon Wainwright III

She’s been on her feet nearly half the damned night

Bringing your beverage and your late night bite

She remains cheerful, when you’re nasty and tight

Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light

Ignoring the groping hoping you might

Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight

Tip that waitress

She’s getting her masters, supporting her mom

Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm

She knows exits in case of a fire or bomb

She knows all the words to the 23rd Psalm

She handles her tray with pnash and aplomb

Her brother’s a Quaker, her dad was in Nam

Tip that waitress

Tip that waitress, she’s been waiting on you

Skip the small change slap down a dollar or two

Her arches are aching her lower back shot

Her varicose veins hurt like hell when it’s hot

Her uniform' too tight, tasteful it’s not

She knows the specials, and they are not a lot

The cook is on qualudes the busboy deals pot

If she had a real job she’d quit on the spot

So tip that waitress

This plea for gratuity’s gone on way too long

There’s a time and a place where them things belong

The stage and a soapbox, this is only a song

To dwell on the matter much longer would be wrong

And people get by, she’ll get along

But I think she gets off when I come on strong

So tip that waitress

Tip that waitress, she’s been waiting on you

Skip the small change slap down a five or a two

She’s been on her feet nearly half the damned night

Bringing your beverage and your late night bite

She remains cheerful, when you’re nasty and tight

Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light

Ignoring the groping hoping you might

Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight

Tip that waitress