My Kindly Friend the Censor - Momus

Is in between your lips

You clasp my (crossed out plural)

With one hand on my hips

I feel your warm (unsuitable)

I’m about to (slang, taboo)

I love being (questionably phrased)

You clearly love it too

But there is someone standing over us, here for our own good

Who takes the words out of our mouths as we do the deed

He collects them in a bag with a peevish little sigh

In case innocents or grandmothers should somehow happen by

Oh our kindly friend the censor has our best interests at heart

But my love song is now missing all its most important parts

I give you (inadmissible)

You respond with (phrase removed)

I (cut) you then (blue-pencil) you

With (obscene: restricted use)

We (substitute a euphemism)

I (censored) in your (too obscene)

Finally (edit) on your (blank)

Just thinking of it makes me want to (criminal act)

But there is someone standing over me, here for my own good

He hands me back the words I need to sing about my deed

They are wrapped up like confetti in a small brown paper bag

With some non-transparent sellotape so you can’t peep through the cracks

Oh my kindly friend the censor I am shocked

When I open it and read 'vagina', 'penis', 'suck', 'cunt', 'cock'

Oh my kindly friend the censor, this cannot be what you mean

To distill the very essence of obscene?