The Homosexual - Momus

I love women but I’m thinking of giving in

I love women but what’s the point of arguing

With the men from boarding schools and building sites

Who’ve told me I’m a homosexual all my life

One stop past Embankment and the coughs begin

Hell hath no fury like an insecure Englishman

You don’t need psychoanalysts to translate this

'There is an open homosexual in our midst'

The homosexual they call me it’s all the same to me

That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be

Since their neurosis is what passes for normality

It’s okay with me if I’m queer

Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music

I won’t disabuse them

I’ll make love with their women

I’ll make them sing notes of pleasure

Their husbands will never hear

I love women but I take them by surprise

Pretending absolute indifference to their breasts and thighs

Like their hairdressers and dressmakers I hear confessionals

Reserved for homosexual professionals

As I put their feet in stirrups with my limp wrist

(A trick I learned from a homosexual gynaecologist)

I recall the words my first girlfriend ended our first date with

'I feel privileged you chose me to go straight with'

'The Homosexual' they call me

It’s all the same to me

That spectre they projected I will now pretend to be

Since their neurosis is what passes for normality

It’s okay with me if I’m queer

Since their tone-deafness is called the love of music

I won’t disabuse them

I’ll make love with their women

I’ll make them sing notes of pleasure

Their husbands will never hear

You who called me shirt-lifter in Chemistry class

You who sniggered 'Look out for your arse'

Now your women wash your shirts, now your kids are born, baby Look out for your

horns

You who called me teapot, who plagued me with your bile

Guess who I’ve got coming to the boil

Why not grab the nettle I’ll settle for being the kettle if you’re the pot

I take my tea like my revenge: sweet and hot

'The Homosexual' they call me

It’s all the same to me

That spectre you projected I will now pretend to be

Since your neurosis is what passes for normality

It’s okay with me if I’m queer

Since your tone-deafness is called the love of music

I won’t disabuse you

I’ll make love with your woman

I’ll make her sing notes of pleasure

That you will never hear

Never in a million years

No fucking fear