The Poet - Momus

I was wallowing in squalor when a note came through the mail

From a light-fingered acquaintance who’d been lingering in jail

He had served a year of sentence when the fools had set him free

And he’d had a good idea he said he’d like to put to me

I said come on then, let’s have it, there’s a twinkle in his eye

He says let me put it this way, have you ever wondered why

The rich have so much money when, if push should come to crunch

You can only be in one room and only eat one lunch

A cogent observation, but I didn’t have the time

I presumed this exposition must be leading to a crime

He said wait a precious moment I am trying to set the scene

If you liberate your mind my friend you’ll soon see what I mean

He said have you ever wondered how a horse becomes a glue?

Or how my uncle’s pencil reached a garden in Peru?

And have you tried valerian, the side-effects are strange

There is no such thing as accident, for everything’s arranged

I said listen friend your time inside has clearly flipped your mind

These are merely hypotheticals I haven’t got the time

If it’s blackmailing on Snapchat or a hold-up count on me

But this claptrap that you’re spouting now just sounds like poetry

Do not be so narrow-minded, my erstwhile accomplice trilled

I’ve had lots of time for poetry it’s left me rather thrilled

I’ve been reading the New York School: Frank O’Hara, Kenneth Koch

And they’ve given me more pleasure than a thousand dirty jokes

Well he’s published by Macmillan now, he got a big advance

Which he spent on buying a farmhouse in a pleasant part of France

His first book won a Pulitzer, he’s up for a Nobel

They say you can’t change human nature but he’s doing rather well