Wake Anxious - My Fictions

I’m getting nervous about leaving again.

I’m starting over and I’m trying to find what would make this time different.

How to avoid new triggers, how to not distance myself.

But all I’m finding are my permanent faults, I can never outrun them,

and what I’ve learned is I’m alone.

This feels like learning a new language — a tongue I wish I could ignore.

I’m stuck moving forward, thinking «how many more times will I have to learn?»

Is this the cost of moving on?

A scorched earth past, I still look back.

But how much more will I burn before I engulf myself?

Will you captivate me and make me realize what I’ve done?

Fall in love with me again, and I’ll lose you once more because I can’t commit.

I’m too invested in losing all of this.

Forced to lament and regret everything again.

I’m tongue tied and overtired.

Disappointed again at what I can’t mend.

I don’t want to move on, but I hate looking back.

But I can’t stay here.

It doesn’t make sense.