Better Than Neil - Nathan Fillion

You know, while you’re all gibber jabbering I’m watching the screen.

And you know what I see?

Not me.

And this isn’t the first not me scene I’ve

noticed.

Oh, I know Neil’s the star -cute little Neil!- Well there’s no easy

way to say this, so I’m gonna sing it.

Hey Ladies

Sit down, relax

I got a story to tell…

Every night I lie awake

With sorrow in my chest

I think of NPH and wonder

Is he getting rest?

Does he know each second

He’s only second best?

Tossing in his bed

What’s he wearing?

Dread?

I’m better

Better than Neil

In so many ways

It’s almost unreal

Oh sure he can sing

And piggies can squeal

It’s not a big deal

I’m better

So he was on Broadway

While I was on the soaps

Who’s got the high score

on «Ninja Ropes»

Who’s got a bullet-proof

Car like the Pope’s?

Look at Neil mackin'

So sad he’s so lackin'

He makes seven figures

And get Emmy nods

I make seven layer

Bean dip of the gods

I’m also in Halo 3

What are the odds?

Now my ears are ringin'

‘Cause all the girls are singin'

I’m better

Better than Neil

At so many things

It’s hard to conceal

Oh sure he does magic

Magic’s not real

How dumb do you feel?

I’m better

Neil played a kid doctor

Well, so did I, dude

But I was much younger

And totally nude

Neil kept that white coat on

Great, Doctor Prude

Look there Felicia goes

Another deal you couldn’t close, yeah

I wink at a woman

She needs a drink — Stat!

She knows I get everything

I’m aiming at

Except for the Pope car

I lied about that

At least I’m not prone

To singing alone

Look at his smallness

Compared to my tallness

My porcelain doll-ness

My port-in-a-squallness

My kids-in-the-Hallness

My Pink-Floyd's — «The-Wall"ness

My three parts of gaulness

My just all-in-allness

My wonderful me-ness

My hammer — the people can tell

That I’m awfully swell

While Neil has a weird smell

I’m just saying: Purell

I’m better

Better than Neil

At — where do I start?

Romantic appeal

We both went for Penny

And who copped a feel?

The true man of steel

I’m better than Neil

Yeah yeah yeah

I’m better than Neil

Just jumped off a moving

Automobile

He plays with his phone

While tires they squeal

It’s my scene to steal

I"m better than Neil

Nathan, are you trying to say-- What are you trying to say there?

Nothing!

That’s just an old sea shanty my mother used to sing to me.

My pirate mother.

Oh.

For a minute there is sounded like you were--

It’s a shanty!