The Future Mrs Heaton - Paul Heaton, Jacqui Abbott

The future Mrs. Heaton

Won’t need a Wonderbra

She’ll be basking on a sun lounger

Smoking fat cigar

The future Mrs. Heaton

Won’t trouble herself with bills

She won’t need no alcohol

Or constant flow of pills

She’ll be turning up at bingo

With her mates in flashy car

Losing at the slot machines

But eating caviar

I’ll make sure that I’ll love you (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Like the star you actually are (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Not like all those broken promises (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or this beaten-up old car (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or when your head’s in your hands now (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

And your nose down on the bar (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

I’ll be your White Russian king

And I’ll rescue you like Tsar

The future Mr. Abbott

Won’t have to go to bank

He’ll lean right back, he’ll drink a beer

And Mrs. Abbott thank

The future Mr. Abbott

Troubled, he’ll be not

With all the kisses and all the loving

Mrs. Abbott’s got

Our voices will fill the air

With conversation and good song

And rarely will we disagree

And never will we wrong

I’ll make sure that I’ll love you (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Like the star you actually are (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Not like all those broken promises (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or this beaten-up old car (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or when your head’s in your hands now (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

And your nose down on the bar (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

I’ll be your White Russian king

And I’ll rescue you like Tsar

The future Mrs. Heaton

Won’t go out in high heels

She’ll go out in her stockinged feet

Exactly how she feels

I’ll make sure that I’ll love you (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Like the star you actually are (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Not like all those broken promises (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or this beaten-up old car (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

Or when your head’s in your hands now (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

And your nose down on the bar (Ooh, ooh, ooh)

I’ll be your White Russian king

And I’ll rescue you like Tsar…