Catcliffe Shakedown - Pulp

Straight down the Parkway follow your nose to a place where nobody wants to go It’s a fare and a half;

they’re having a larf

Everybody’s broken or they’re a dwarf

Mirror mirror on the wall who is the ace-est of them all?

The Catcliffe girl who gets out before her 18th birthday

There’s a little old man by the side of the road

Just where he came from nobody knows

He’s so picturesque

a physical wreck

a dirty old bloke with no self-respect

Ow!

Oh god!

You’d better leave town

before you get caught in the Catcliffe Shakedown

Yeah

It’s a step to the left;

a step to the right

You do the Catcliffe Shakedown with all of your might

Oh, baby, shakedown shakedown shakedown

Pudgy 12 year-olds in Union Jack shorts addicted to coffee-whitener and

frankfurters.

And those boys who said «Mister we just want your car 'cos we’re

taking a girl to the reservoir"are outside the pub. Fine figures of men;

exercising and dieting just doesn’t suit them.

Have a meal in a glass

we’re having a laugh

just come over here and your face we will smash Oh!

Oh god!

You’d better leave town

before you get caught in the Catcliffe Shakedown

Yeah

Shakedown

Shakedown

Shakedown

Oh no, it’s not that bad really: Not if you’ve been living in Bosnia for the

last year.

Homebrew is still big news round these parts — no airing cupboard

should be without it.

They were going to open an airport — can you imagine it?

«Whilst in the area why not stock up on string or try some of our duty-free

Parkin?"Oh yeah. Let’s go.

See the rainbow high above the viaduct,

glowing with all the colours of a bottle of spilt milk

Oh, it’s so beautiful, but I don’t know what it means

Oh, rainbow high above — what exactly are you advertising?

And our idea of sophisticated humour is setting fire to our farts with

disposable lighters.

Why not try our delicious lager-style drink with a chocolate-flavoured candy-covered biscuit?

«Look at those buttercups over there

mummy!""Hold one under your chin.""What's butter mummy?""Oh, it’s just a different make of margarine»

See the rainbow high above the viaduct,

glowing with all the colours of a bottle of spilt milk

Oh, it’s so beautiful, but I don’t know what it means

Oh, rainbow high above — what exactly are you advertising?

The film now cuts to reveal who is watching this docudrama.

A middle class

couple sit in wonder as the titles roll.

«All nicotine stains and beer-bellies

in this programme were real.»

But upstairs in his room, amongst the Airfix planes, is a small boy.

He sits in the dark, listening for the sound of the train that crosses the

viaduct at four o’clock every morning.

The train that carries the dismembered

remains, the dismembered remains of Matchstick Men and Matchstick Cats & Dogs,

and it’s coming, and it’s coming, coming… Oh yeah.

«What you looking at?»

«I don’t know — label’s fell off»

«I'm going aht»

«Am I so beautiful you can’t stop looking at me?»

«Am I so beautiful?»

«You don’t scare me»

«I'll take you all on»

«You and whose army?»

«Me — me and my fist-y»

Catcliffe you don’t intimidate me, your Parkway and your shopping centre,

your Panda Pops and pottery, your motorway junction, overwhelming stench of failure.

Lives that never left first base, stunted by vapours from the cooling

towers And I will do everything, everything in my power to get way from you.

Oh yeah