Too Drunk To Fish - Ray Stevens

Recitation

Now me and Harold this buddy of mine decided that we’d go fishin'

One time, so we drove to the lake with my brand new bass boat.

I

Brought the fishin' poles the pork and beans the saltine crackers

And the canned sardines, and Harold brought all the booze one man

Could tote.

While I loaded the boat and filled the tank and tried to

Get that motor to crank, Harold just sat there sippin' on a longneck

Beer.

While I was steerin' the boat and tyin' the plugs he was

Drinkin' moonshine straight from the jug and he was

Singing «Melancholy Baby» when we left the pier, huh, huh…

Oh, never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'

Cause things just might not work out like you’d wish

Just leave that fool at home to drink

He’ll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink

Don’t go near the water with a man too drunk to fish

Recitation

Well, I was concentratin', perfectin' my cast, hopin' to land a

Trophy bass and Harold was havin' trouble tryin' to find the lake

Layin' there beside him at his feet was an anchor line coiled up

Real neat, Harold saw it went white as a ghost and

Hollered «Snake!!!»

Well, he jumped straight up and began to

Yell.

I said «Sit down Harold and behave yourself.

Can’t you see

That ain’t nothin' but a piece of rope.»

Ha, ha… Well, he was

Scared to death, plumb out of his mind tryin' not to get bit by that

Anchor line and he grabbed my shotgun blew a hole in the bottom of

The boat…(Blam!!! Harold!!! Glup… glub…glub)

Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'

Cause things just might not work out like you’d wish

Just leave that fool at home to drink

He’ll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink

Don’t go near the water with a man too drunk to fish

Recitation

Now too drunk to fish is too drunk to swim.

So I was dog paddlin'

And draggin' him and finally made it to a little sand bar just big

Enough for two.

It was way after dark when that helicopter came with

That big searchlight and callin' our names.

And Harold looked up to

The sky and said, «Lord is that you?»

Slowly

And then he knelt there in that heavenly glow and said «Lord you

Know I ain’t ready to go so if you pass me by tonight, oh… I will

Reform.»

Then they threw down a raft and I paddled us home he never

Touched a drop from that moment on.

Ya know the Lord works in

Mysterious ways his miracles to perform

Never go fishin' with a man who has been drinkin'

Cause things just might not work out like you’d wish

Just leave that fool at home to drink

He’ll be just as happy fishin' in the kitchen sink

Don’t go near the water with a man too drunk to fish

Don’t go near the water with a man too drunk to fish…