The Sadder But Wiser Girl - Seth MacFarlane

No sweet and pure angelic lass for me

That kinda gal can spin a web, you see

She trades on wholesome innocence galore

But it’s my independence that she’s trading for

The only affirmative she will file

Refers to marching down the aisle

No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess, no sir!

For no Diana do I play faun, I can tell you that right now

I snarl, I hiss

How can ignorance be compared to bliss?

I spark, I fizz

For the lady who knows what time it is

I cheer, I rave

For the virtue I’m too late to save

The sadder but wiser girl for me

No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby, no sir!

That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew

I prefer to take a chance

On a more adult romance

No dewy young miss who keeps resisting

All the time she keeps insisting

No wide-eyed, wholesome, innocent female

Why, she’s the fisherman, I’m the fish, you’ll see

I flinch, I shy

When the lass with the delicate air goes by

I smile, I grin

When the gal with a touch of sin walks in

I hope and I pray

For Hester to win just one more 'A'

The sadder but wiser girl for me

No giggling ice cream soda drinker

Out to hook you line and sinker

No honey throated beckoning siren

I plug my ears and I grab my oars and I flee

I jeer, I boo

At the puritan hearted ingenue

I yearn, I long

For the woman whose Pop says «What went wrong?»

I root and I clap

For the dame in the gownless evening strap

The sadder but wiser girl’s the girl for me

The sadder but wiser girl for me