Getting Married Today - Stephen Sondheim

Bless this day

Pinnacle of life

Husband joined to wife

The heart leaps up to behold

This golden day

Today is for Emma

Emma, I give you the rest of my life

To cherish and to keep you, to honor you forever

Today is for Emma

My happily soon-to-be wife

Pardon me, is everybody here?

Because if everybody’s here, I

Want to thank you all for coming to the wedding, I’d appreciate

Your going even more, I mean you must have lots of better things

To do, and not a word of this to Will, remember Will, you know,

The man I’m gonna marry, but I’m not, because I wouldn’t ruin

Anyone as wonderful as he is--

Thank you all

For the gifts and the flowers,

Thank you all,

Now it’s back to the showers,

Don’t tell Will,

But I’m not getting married today.

Bless this day

Tragedy of life

Husband joined to wife

The heart sinks down and feels dead

This dreadful day

Listen, everybody, look, I don’t know what you’re waiting for,

A wedding, what’s a wedding, it’s a prehistoric ritual

Where everybody promises fidelity forever, which is

Maybe the most horrifying word I ever heard of, which is

Followed by a honeymoon, where suddenly he’ll realize he’s

Saddled with a nut, and wanna kill me, which he should--

Thanks a bunch,

But I’m not getting married--

Go have lunch,

'Cause I’m not getting married--

You’ve been grand,

But I’m not getting married--

Don’t just stand there,

I’m not getting married--

And don’t tell Will,

But I’m not getting married today.

Go, can’t you go?

Why is no-

Body listening?

Goodbye

Go and cry

At another person’s wake

If you’re quick

For a kick

You could pick

Up a christening

But please

On my knees

There’s a human life at stake!

Listen everybody, I’m afraid you didn’t hear, or do you want to

See a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn’t only Will

Who may be ruining his life, you know we’ll both of us be losing

Our identities, I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to

See him Monday, but by Monday I’ll be floating in the Hudson with

The other garbage--

I’m not well,

So I’m not getting married--

You’ve been swell,

But I’m not getting married--

Clear the hall,

'Cause I’m not getting married--

Thank you all,

But I’m not getting married--

And don’t tell Will,

But I’m not getting married today.

Bless this bride

Totally insane

Slipping down the drain

And bless this day in our hearts

As it starts

To rain

Today is for

Go, can’t you go?

|Emma,

Look, you know |Emma,

I adore you all |I give you

But why |The rest of

Watch me die |My life,

Like Eliza on the ice?

|To cherish

Look, perhaps |And to keep you,

I’ll collapse |To honor you

In the apse |Forever,

Right before you all, |Today is for Emma,

So take |My happily

Back the cake, |Soon-to-be

Burn the shoes and boil the rice.

|Wife,

Look, I didn’t wanna have to |My adorable

Tell you, but I may be coming |Wife.

Down with Hepatitis, and I

Think I’m gonna faint, so if

You wanna see me faint, I’ll

Do it happily, but wouldn’t

It be funnier to go and watch

A funeral, so thank you for the

Twenty-seven dinner plates,

Thirty-seven butter knives,

Forty-seven paperweights,

Fifty-seven candleholders--

One more thing--

I am not getting married!

Amen!

Softly said--

But I’m not getting married!

Amen!

With this ring--

Still I’m not getting married!

Amen!

I thee wed.

See, I’m not getting married!

Amen!

Let us pray Let us pray

That we are getting married |

That I’m not getting married

Today!

|

Today!

AMEN!