From Here To Eternity - Steve Harley

I got this wild woman lover, she’s as strange as any other

And she’s always making fun outta me

She got this foul-tempered, distempered, flea-infested dog

Who likes to sit and watch TV

He has this habit of destroying my guitars to get even with me, oh

But that’s only after Stevie’s put a boot in his face

Well my gal must weigh a ton but she insists that she’ll never diet

I’d like to stick her with a pin to see her burst and some day I think I might

And when she leaps into the bath it’s a belly-aching laugh

Oh it’s something you all oughta see

And whenever she’s hungry, she hits me with a cane

Oh she’s such a barrel of fun

Oh that’s why I’ll hang around from here to eternity, oh forever

Well she beats me like a slave and in the yard she’s even plotted my grave,

can you believe it?

I been verboten, forgotten and I’ve always had my own life to save

When I was putting out the cat one night

She kicked me out and wouldn’t let me get back in

It was seven below and I froze to the skin

Well she only relented when I swore she was the double of Brigitte Bardot

Then I had to make a little love but I wasn’t too slow, you know

I coulda claimed I had another migraine but she’d only have yelled, oh

She treats me like a dog that she dragged in from a bog

Oh she’s such a barrel of fun

Oh that’s why I’ll hang around from here to eternity

Oh she pokes out my eyes, surprise, surprise

Oh she’s such a barrel of fun

That’s why I’ll hang around from here to eternity, ooo

Forever, she’s such fun

She’s a barrel of fun