Madiera, M'Dear - The Limeliters

She was young, she was pure, she was new, she was nice

She was fair, she was sweet, seventeen

He was old, he was vile, and no stranger to vice

He was base, he was bad, he was mean

He had slyly inveigled her up to his flat

To view his collection of stamps

And he said as he hastened to put out the cat

The wine, his cigar and the lamps:

Have some madeira, m’dear

You really have nothing to fear

I’m not trying to tempt you

That wouldn’t be right

You shouldn’t drink spirits at this time of night

Have some madeira, m’dear

It’s really much nicer than beer

I don’t care for sherry, one cannot drink stout

And port is a wine I can well do without…

It’s simply a case of chacun a son gout

Have some madeira, m’dear

Unaware of the wiles of the snake-in-the-grass

And the fate of the maiden who topes

She lowered her standards by raising her glass

Her courage, her eyes… and his hopes

She sipped it, she drank it, she drained it, she did!

He promptly refilled it again

And he said as he secretly carved one more notch

On the butt of his gold-headed cane:

Have some madeira, m’dear

I’ve got a small cask of it here

And once it’s been opened, you know it won’t keep

Do finish it up.

It will help you to sleep

Have some madeira, m’dear

It’s really an excellent year

Now if it were gin, you’d be wrong to say yes

The evil gin does would be hard to assess…

Besides it’s inclined to affect the prowess

Have some madeira, m’dear

Then there flashed through her mind what her mother had said

With her antepenultimate breath

«Oh my child, should you look on the wine that is red

Be prepared for a fate worse than death!»

She let go her glass with a shrill little cry

Crash!

Tinkle!

it fell to the floor;

When he asked, «What in Heaven?»

She made no reply

Up her mind, and a dash for the door

Have some madeira, m’dear

Rang out down the hall loud and clear

With a tremulous cry that was filled with despair

As she fought to take breath in the cool midnight air

Have some madeira, m’dear

The words seemed to ring in her ear

Until the next morning, she woke in her bed

With a smile on her lips and an ache in her head…

And a beard on her earlobe that tickled and said:

Have some madeira, m’dear!