The Irony of It All - The Streets

Hello, hello

My name’s Terry and I’m a law-abider

There’s nothing I like more than getting fired up on beer

And when the weekend’s here

I exercise my right to get paralytic and fight

Good bloke, fairly

But I get well lairy when geezers look at me funny

Bounce 'em round like bunnies

I’m likely to cause mischief

Good clean grief, you must believe, and I ain’t no thief

Law-abiding and all, all legal

And who cares about my liver when it feels good?

What you need is some real manhood

Rasher Rasher, Barney and Kasha, putting peoples' backs up

Public disorder?

I’ll give you public disorder!

I down eight pints and run all over the place

Spit in the face of an officer

See if that bothers ya, 'cause I never broke a law in my life

Someday, I’m gonna settle down with a wife

Come on, lads, let’s have another fight

Er, hello, my name’s Tim and I’m a criminal

In the eyes of society, I need to be in jail

For the choice of herbs I inhale

This ain’t no wholesale operation

Just a few eighths and some PlayStation’s my vocation

I pose a threat to the nation

And down the station, the police hold no patience

Let’s talk space and time

I like to get deep sometimes and think about Einstein

And Carl Jung, and old Kung Fu movies I like to see

Pass the hydrator please

Yeah, I’m floating on thin air

Going to Amsterdam in the New Year, top gear there

'Cause I take pride in my hobby

Homemade bongs using my engineering degree

Dear leaders, please legalise weed for these reasons

Like I was saying to him

I told him, «Fuck with me and you won’t live»

So I smacked him in the head and downed another Carling

Bada-bada-bing, for the lads like

Mad fight, his face’s a sad sight, vodka and snakebite

Going on like a right geez, he’s a twat

Shouldn’t have looked at me like that

Anyway, I’m an upstanding citizen

If a war came along, I’d be on the front line with 'em

Can’t stand crime either, them hooligans on heroin

Drugs and criminals

Those thugs are the pinnacle of the downfall of society

I’ve got all the anger pent up inside of me

You know, I don’t see why I should be the criminal

How can something with no recorded fatalities be illegal?

And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol?

I just completed Gran Turismo on the hardest setting

We pose no threat on my settee

Ooh, the pizza’s here, will someone let him in, please?

«We didn’t order chicken

Not a problem, we’ll pick it out»

I doubt they meant to mess us about

After all, we’re all adults, not louts

As I was saying, we’re friendly, peaceful people

We’re not the ones out there causing trouble

We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters

Discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is

MTV, BBC Two, Channel 4 is on 'til six in the morning

Then at six in the morning, the sun dawns and it’s my bed time

Causing trouble?

You’re stinking rabble!

Poised, saying I’m the lad who’s spoiling it?

You’re on drugs!

It really bugs me when people try and tell me I’m a thug

Just for getting drunk

I like getting drunk

'Cause I’m an upstanding citizen

If a war came along, I’d be on the front line with 'em

Now Terry, you’re repeating yourself

But that’s okay, drunk people can’t help that

A chemical reaction happening inside your brain

Causes you to forget what you’re saying

What?!

I know exactly what I’m saying

I’m perfectly sane

You stinking student lame-o!

Go get a job and stop robbing us of our taxes

Erm, well, actually, according to research

Government funding for further education pales in insignificance

When compared to how much they spend on repairing

Lairy drunk people at the weekend

In casualty wards all over the land

Why, you cheeky little swine, come here!

I’m gonna batter ya!

Come here!