Jesus, The Missing Years - John Prine

It was raining, it was cold

West Bethlehem was no place for a twelve-year old

So he packed his bag and he headed out

To find out what the world’s about

He went to France and went to Spain

He found love and he found pain

He found stores, so he started to shop

He had no money, so he got in trouble with a cop

Kids in trouble with the cops from Israel didn’t have no home

So he cut his hair and moved to Rome

It was there, he met his Irish bride

And they rented a flat on the lower east side of Rome

Italy, that is

Music publishers, book binders

Bible belters, swimming pools

Orgies, and lots of pretty Italian chicks

Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car

Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far

Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do

'Cause we all reside down the block inside 23 Skidoo

Wine was flowing, so were beers

So Jesus found his missing years

He went to a dance and said, «This don’t move me»

He hiked up his pants and he went to a movie

On his thirteenth birthday, he saw Rebel Without A Cause

He went straight on home and invented Santa Claus

Who gave him a gift and he responded in kind

He gave the gift of love and went out of his mind

You see, him and the wife wasn’t getting along

So he took out his guitar and he wrote a song

Called 'The Dove Of Love Fell Off The Perch'

But he couldn’t get divorced in the Catholic Church

At least not back then, anyhow

Jesus was a good guy

He didn’t need this shit

So he took a pill with a Coca-Cola

And he swallowed it

He discovered the Beatles

And he recorded with The Stones

Once he even opened up a three-way package

For old George Jones

Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car

Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far

Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do

'Cause we all reside down the block inside of 23 Skidoo

The years went by like sweet little days

With babies crying pork chops and Beaujolais

When he woke up, he was seventeen

The world was angry, the world was mean

Why, the man down the street and the kid on the stoop

All agreed that life stank, all the world smelled like poop

Baby poop, that is

The worst kind

So he grew his hair long and he threw away his comb

Headed back to Jerusalem to find Mom and Dad and home

But when he got there, the cupboard was bare

Except for an old black man with a fishing rod

He said, «What you gonna be when you grow up?»

Jesus said, «God»

Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into?

I’m a human corkscrew and all my wine is blood

They’re gonna kill me, Mama, they don’t like me, Bud

So Jesus went to Heaven, he went there awful quick

All them people killed him, he wasn’t even sick

So, come and gather around me, my contemporary peers

And I’ll tell you all the story of Jesus: The Missing Years

Charlie bought some popcorn, Billy bought a car

Someone almost bought the farm, but they didn’t go that far

Things shut down at midnight, at least round here they do

'Cause we all reside down the block inside at 23 Skidoo