Three Legged Man - Ray Stevens

Well, my friends, you’d never guess it, so I really must confess it\nI just met the sweetest woman in my long and dismal life\nBut a friend of mine said «Buddy, just in case your mind is muddy\nDon’t you know that girl you’re fooling with\nIs old Peg-Leg Johnson’s wife\nAnd old Peg-Leg's big and mean and tough and grim\nYeah, and he’ll brain you with his artificial limb»\nBut next morning, bright and early, I stole old Peg-Leg's girlie\nAnd I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe\nBut there weren’t no time for laughter 'cause he started hopping after\nNow I keep on running faster but he won’t give up the chase\nSo now I’m running 'cross the country with his bride\nAnd I got his wooden leg right by my side\nNow I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman\nBeing chased by a one-legged fool\nOh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'\nI tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel\n'Cross the deserts and the valleys, those ol' dark Chicago alleys\n'Cross that mighty Mississippi to the hills of Caroline\n'Cross the mountains of Montana through the swamps of Louisiana\nEvery time I look back, he’s just one leg behind\nAnd I know he must be cold and wet and sick\nBut in spite of all his woes, he still can kick\nNow I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman\nBeing chased by a one-legged fool\nOh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'\nI tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel\nNow he’s ragged and he’s filthy, and I’m feeling kinda guilty\n'Specially in the evenings when I hear him plead and beg\nHe says, «In spite of all your stealing, friend, I bear you no hard feelings\nYou can keep the blamed old woman, just give me back my leg\n'Cause although that leg you meant to take was wooden\nIn the dark, by mistake, you took my good’un»\nNow I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman\nBeing chased by a one-legged fool\nOh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'\nI tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel\nYes, I’m a three-legged man with a two-legged woman\nBeing chased by a one-legged fool\nOh, he’s hoppin' and he’s floppin', but he shows no signs of stoppin'\nI tell you, boys, this life is hard and cruel