Spiderman! Spider Man! Hyphenated as Spider-Man! - Dan Bull

Have you ever seen a man climbing a wall

Up the side of a building that is decidedly tall?

Who despite gravity trying is declining to fall

One can only imagine the flipping size of his balls

Well that’s me known as Spiderman or Spidey

And I’m called Peter Parker really though I should be Peter Parkour

Leaping through the dark gloomy city coming at you

Weaving over roofs like a traditional thatcher

So no matter your stance or your status or statue

You, bad guys, are flies and I’m going to catch you

This one’s for Gwen and uncle Ben, dedicated to Aunt May

I’m the man you dress up as when you’re too lazy to cosplay

Spider-man, Spider-man

Does whatever a spider can (hey)

Spider-man, Spider-man

He’s not a mutant, it’s an overactive thyroid gland (wo)

Spider-man, Spider-man

I’m delivering this line from my diaphragm (hey)

Spider-man, Spider-man

If you still don’t get it — here’s a diagram (ey)

I’m Iron Man but without the massive salary

I’m Bruce Wayne if he had a loving family

I’m Bruce Banner but without being ripped or angry

I’m the Black Panther but without much of a tan on me

I’m the Flash if he hadn’t even ran at speed

I’m Jean Grey but with a double a cup mammary

I’m Deadpool if he lacked a personality

I’m James Gunn without directing Guardians of the Galaxy-oh

I’ll just pop out for a vertical jog

Where buildings penetrate the sky like a cervical swab

I started at the bottom now I’m traversing atop

A massive phallic symbol as if it’s my personal knob

Err, you’ll have to take my word for it, but I’m this handsome

Definitely not a virgin

My dick Branson

Oh sorry, I just went off on a big tangent

But now I’m trapping you in the web like Chris Hansen

Spider-man, Spider-man

Does whatever a spider can (hey)

Spider-man, Spider-man

Goes hard like a penile implant (wo)

Spider-man, Spider-man

Does whatever a spider can (hey)

Apart from eating their mate during copulation that we know of anyway

Spider-man, Spider-man

Spider-man

I’m a happy kind of rapper guy

No grime pretense

Yeah, I’m a little camp but so are tiny tents

Look, in my defense, I can’t rely on my spidey sense

And I can’t deny that I’m immense

So why pretend?

It’s kind of dense

I’m the headliner, you guys are the side events

I fly across the skyline while you try to climb a fence

High flying Fashionista wrapped in tight lycra

Defying expectations of my critics like bycra

Say I can’t swing roof to roof — that’s fake news

It’s not up to me to prove the truth

So if you dispute then I refuse to tiptoe

You can take it straight up with Stan Lee and Steve Ditko

It’s risky like investing into P2P crypto

Or expecting to see Diplo at the D of E disco

So come along to my swingers club

I’ll bring the white stuff if you bring the bub

I’ve got a thing for Kinbaku

The kink I love and don’t be scared if you find a spider in the tub

I’m here to help you get over arachnophobia

So don’t be afraid

You’re like a cobweb when I blow you away

Spider-man, Spider-man

Does whatever a spider can (hey)

Spider-man, Spider-man

Gets ASMR during an eye exam (wo)

Spider-man, Spider-man

Never constipated, thanks to high fibre bran (hey)

Let me promote for a mo, hope you don’t mind the spam

This track’s on Google Music, Spotify and Tidal, damn (ey)