The Fractured but Whole - Dan Bull

Gather around, children

Let me tell a tale as old as time itself

A small town sounds quiet as night falls

Clouds hang high up in the sky like tight balls

Observed in silence by the hero that South Park deserves

It’s so clear that shit’s about to get perverted

If you’re of a sensitive disposition

You’d better avert your eyes

This noble coalition’s only mission’s

Shifting merchandise

And nipping a bit off the top of the profits

As if they were circumsized

We like our gherkins sliced

Supersize the burgers, fries

And milkshake

Our balls are touching in an epic way when worlds collide

Observe the human kite traverse the skies

Presumably carrying some sort of irreconcilable burden that hurts inside

Like when a person dies,

or a deflowered virgin cries

This work requires a certain type of individual

Who’s willing to do things which oppugn what is permissible

Speak the unthinkable, even if it’s unforgivable

It is just irresistible to piss off PC principal

The fate of the race may soon depend

On a group of mutants who defend

The right to be rude, to be crude, offend

Who’s the crew in question?

Coon and Friends

To the end, it’s true, not imaginary

There’s no need to pretend

Superheroes are super popular

And we need cash, let’s use the trend

A civil war: Several children versus several more

Swivel on my middle finger while I do the devil horns

A cape and costume made of stuff from mummy’s knicker drawer

Latex is known to chafe, it may just make your nipples sore

We

vigilantes

, shift the ante

Shit hits the fan, poor Mr Hanky (hidey ho!)

You’re gonna need a Christmas Plan B

You’ve been exposed, we’ve ripped your panties

This isn’t a game now, it’s Jumanji

So pick a faction that’ll tickle your fancy

Then amp up the heat of the hell’s kitchen

Kids curse more than a certain Mr Ramsey

Sex, pistols, Sids and Nancies

Rotten, Johnnies, filth and anarchy

Swindles, Banshees

And out of date pop culture references to antiques

Superhero v. reckless trolls

I’m a super cereal breakfast bowl

You’re next on the checklist though

Getting cancelled like Kenny’s Netflix show

Prove the theory on who’s Mysterion

If you can’t do it, you’re a stupid idiot

Buckle up for a new experience

Like a boat full of homeless Syrians

I know this is serious

And it’s gonna make motherfuckers furious

But I come from the school where the rule

Is that anything goes if it’s hilarious

Mosquito, Toolshed, Tupperware

They’ll do whatever they’ve got to do if it’s a double dare

Mint Berry Crunch will punch you with sugar

'Til you crash so hard, people passing by rubberneck

Fucking heck, such swearing’s needless

Like the port for Kinect or your penis

Bitch please, Twitch streamers

We’re real heroes, you’re just Dreamers

Sorry, that was a momentary lapse of control

You could say my state of mind is kind of fractured but whole

In that it’s greater than the sum of its parts

Just like the culinary arts

Or the sight and sound and smell of a bum when it farts

That was a fart joke

Hilarious

Although there’s dark smoke you can’t toke

On it you might choke

Only a hard bloke can face Professor Chaos

Or he might rip out your heart as if you are an artichoke

Shit ending, don’t care

Fuck you, Ubisoft

Pay me

Capitalism in action