Music on Answering Machines - George Carlin

Here’s another bunch of genetic defectives who have been turned loose on answering machines.

These guys who cannot resist the urge to put music on their outgoing message.

You know some guy spends $8 in Radio Shack and suddenly he’s a fucking record producer.

And because he’s busy in the basement jacking off his dog I have to listen to substandard music.

And it’s always rotten music you know.

It’s either new age that pointless meandering zombie noise played by pseudo spiritual lunatics who think wind chimes are a musical instrument.

Or else it’s soft rock.

Soft rock.

That lame ass weak non threatening suburban white boy junk played by bands like Men Without Testicles.

Oh.

And folks.

On these answering machines do me a favor.

Would you please.

When you record your outgoing message don’t bother telling me you can’t come to the phone.

I understand that.

Apparently that’s why we have these machines.

And don’t tell me leave my name and number somehow.

I figured that out.

And if you work in an office.

Never mind that stuff.

I’m away from my desk.

If you had to take a shit say so.

Just say hi this is Mary Louise I had the Mexican Jalapeno bean chile dip and I washed it down with a gallon of gin.

I’ll be in and out all day.