Heaven or Hell - Joe Budden

Gotta watch my back, It ain’t safe at night

It’s too much to do, gotta get my paper right

and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail

but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell?

Gotta watch my back, It ain’t safe at night

It’s too much to do, gotta get my paper right

and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail

but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell?

Yo at this present time, its alot of nonsense at stake

too many ideas & decisions left to contemplate

too much to deal wit

too much to make a n____ have to steal s___

And its hurtin, cuz i gotta feel it

with too much anger

too many n____s know me, but they don’t know me

a___yzed popular stranger

and peep how n____s try to change ya

but i can’t cope with no antidote

two options, one is slittin' my wrist

go to the precinct with a clip my fist

so i keep a cig in my lips, s___ is painful,

f___ suicide, done did too much dirt to know if I’ma be angel

So help me god, cryin in my sleep

cause you ain’t pull me out of shark infested waters to die on the beach

and I was told «don't trust, cause they plot at the end'

So i treat friends as nobodies, and nobody as friend

yo it just seems like troubles followin me

lock & key,

stuck in the belly of the beast, and its swallowin me

with no cream,

with no bundle to hustle and no scheme

no n____s to run with and no team

tell me what its like to have ran out of options when you goin all out

or what its like to be in love and fall out

just want to put it behind me and breathe

without the f___in 9 to squeeze

without the weed and Hennessey to keep my mind at ease

without rollin over, coilin myself, tryin to sleep

without bein homeless & starvin and dyin to eat

s___ wasn’t like this at the youth house

thoughout my teen years been forced to grow up too fast

m_________er i’m not a youth now

wish i could let alot of people see the true Mouse

but i’m too scared to see him myself

what’d be the use now?

See I’ve done changed too much, I guess the water ran dry

Man I been put through s___, For most of my life

And I done lost my breath, but still i’m tryin to fight

I can’t take no more, cause i’m dyin inside

From houses to gas stations, I’ve done robbed them all

facing 10 to 20, that’ll start a robber’s fall

Jacked whips in parking lots, I got the drop from Fords

and this amount of victims coming out a shopping mall

I’m a totally different n____ when i’m copping the raw

apartments with ADT, got through the locks in the door

I met some dollared out chicks, somehow i got in the drawers

seen n____s dyin, cold blood that got shot in the war

want a seed for the wrong reasons to see me different

in hopes of me guiding so he’ll never have to see a prison

but my shorty got it f___ed up

or maybe i just got it f___ed up

somebody got it f___ed up

what a n____ got besides his music

thirsty as hell, can’t smoke the water, cause I know that i’ll abuse it

And mufuckas can’t afford to see that fuse lit

they can’t afford to see a n____ on some new s___

and where my pops at?

A n____ need him now

show up later on when im black, and f___, i’m bleedin now

showin' my moms another side she never seen in me

how the f___ she don’t understand when its her genes in me

how’d I progress in therapy while wantin' to leave this world

and I know how to beat the system, but can’t beat the world

talk that «take my own life to get off the scene quick»

unfortunate that i’m too much of a genius to really mean s___

Gotta watch my back, It ain’t safe at night

it’s too much to do, gotta get my paper right

and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail

but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell?

See I’ve done changed too much, I guess the water ran dry

Man I been put through s___, For most of my life

And I done lost my breath, but still i’m tryin to fight

I can’t take no more, cause i’m dyin inside

«Heaven or Hell» is a song by Joe Budden.

It is track #32 from the album Not

Your Average Flow that was released in 2004. Duration of this track is 04: 09.