Penny Dreadful - Professor Elemental

Ohh… What a bloody, bloody foggy night

Oh god yes

Oh, I will have a brandy, yes, thank you

Cheers

Do you know I, I heard from the commons that they’re thinking of giving women

the vote?

-laughter-

I wouldn’t give women a goat!

Bloody harlots!

Yes, yes, well I don’t think Jack the Ripper is that, that bad a thing really

Not really, no

Between you and me

And what of Professor Elemental?

What of him?

That damned fool?

Don’t ask!

Last thing I heard, he was, making some kind of

contraption to turn, jam into a new fuel, nearly set fire to the house of

commons

Oh lord… I, I heard he went to the north pole, wearing only his top hat,

and tried to catch penguins to use as servants!

Oh, doesn’t surprise me.

Yes, yes I even hear tell he’s been trying to fly like

some kind of foppish man-bird!

-laughter-

That damned orangutan of his is assisting him to make some sort of winged

contraption

Oh, well after what happened to his last assistants, I’m not surprised he’s

resorted to primates

That’s him!

Oh no, no…

Oh god, he’s brought that damned monkey in…

Oh what’s he wearing?

Oh, oh look what he’s doing to the butler…

>: «No Geoffrey»

Why is he even a member of this gentleman’s club…

I don’t know how he does it…

Right right, stay down, stay down…

I am reading my paper

Gentlemen, gentlemen!

Hello!

Good to see you all!

Oh, don’t mind Geoffr… Geoffrey get down from there!

Oh I’m so terribly sorry…

I’ll wager you haven’t heard about my new invention?

No?

I’m going to fly gentlemen!

Like a bird through the sky!

Would you care for some snuff?

I just can’t get enough

Trust you’re here for the tour

Well explore if you must

I’ll direct through trap door

To many an oddity

Bought from the foreigners

Out in the colonies

Ideas, got a headful

One man penny dreadful

The marvelous, eccentric, Professor Elemental

The year’s 1880, and the race for the sky

Is what every inventor, is aching to find

In search of adventure

With a well waxed moustache

And a splendid top hat

I’ll have the last laugh

Hard graft, dark arts

And I’ve crafted an ark

And I’ve studied the stars, on parchments of the past

I’m mastering my destiny

Constant creation

Awaiting patiently, for a nation’s adulation

I’m making a promise, creating a thing

To take to the air, on mechanical wings!

In this steam-room for months

Lifting these lumps

Pistons and pumps

Shift and then shunt

Aided by my patient, companion by my side

A pet orangutan with a mechanical eye

But that’s by-the-by

A whole other story

Today I will fly in my moment of glory

Well dressed

My 'tache is waxed to perfection

Unveiling my best and my grandest invention

Time to cause scandal

A ship of oak pannels

Balloons, wings, a stove

Ropes and brass handles

It’s loud, yet serene

The crowd gave a scream

I launch to the sky above houses and streams

Soaring past clouds beyond towns in between

And I’m shouting so proudly

Announced on the scene

So God save The Queen!

Cause everything is possible

For a man in a top hat

With a monkey, with a monacle!

Ohh, this is the life, eh Geoffrey?

Flying through the sky, just me and my monkey

Take the wheel while I have a piece of cake

If a gentleman is known

By the state of his dwelling

Let’s say that my quarters

Are really quite telling

Most men don’t want it badly enough

From the opium dens

To the travellers club

Good christ we’re too high!

Monkey steer from the sky

Thank the lord that I brought my spare air supply

Take care, dive soon

Oh we’ll land on the moon

Foolish ape, don’t try to spike the balloon with a spoon!

You lunatic we’re doomed!

This adventure is hurtling

And crashing

Into London’s town centre

And swerving -inaudible-

I deflate, I charter to land

Oh I’m cursing my ape

It’s not part of the plan

I smash up Big Ben

Crash the palace confused

My ape takes the crown

But the Queen’s not amused

I’ve produced quite a mess

But I’ll keep my mind clear

Cause tomorrow I’ll have my next finest idea!