Diet Song - Shel Silverstein

Breakfast black coffee one slice of dry toast no butter no jelly no jam

Lunch just some lettuce two celery stalks no booze no potatoes no ham

Dinner one chicken wing broiled not fried no gravy no biscuits no pie

And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die

So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that’s all

Turn off the TV for the Big Mac commercial it’s drivin' me right up the wall

And I’m thinkin' of french fries sausage and waffles spaghetti and cookies and

cake

And each night I’m dreamin' of chocolate ice cream

And I’m starvin' to death when I wake

Supper two pieces of cauliflower raw some beefsteak the size of a nail

One sliced tomato a small dab of slaw I swear I ate better in jail

Stop eatin' that pizza right under my nose girl that’s the least you can do

Put down that candy bar while I’m singin' I’m starvin' my pants off for you

You’re fixin' the kids all those creamed mashed potatoes

But it’s bouillon and water for me

Hey you got a lock on the refrigerator Lord knows where you’re hidin' the key

While I’m starvin' for food late at night I’m starvin' for lovin' from you

But you say that when I can see my own dick you’ll be glad to look at it too

So pass me a carrot stick peel me a prune a glass of skim milk and that’s all

You and Jane Fonda and old Richard Simmons are drivin' me right off the wall

Now when I am dead with the insurance paid you’ll look down at me and you’ll

grin

You’ll say well the boy tried and he suffered and died

But don’t he look good when he’s thin oh my

And this dietin' dietin' dietin' dietin' sure is a rough way to die