Everything's Coming Up Roses - Stephen Sondheim, Marta Sanders

Here we are in court today\nRose just took the stand\nShe’s divorcin' me for reasons\nI still don’t understand\nThat dress is showin' more of her\nThan I’ve seen in years\nAnd the story that she’s tellin’s\nEven got the judge in tears\nShe’s accusin' me of hangin' out\nWith girls of ill repute\nAdultery, abandonment\nEven alcohol abuse\nI just heard my mother shout\nYour honor throw the book\nAnd even my attorney\nJust gave me a dirty look\nEverything’s coming up roses\nThe house, the car\nThe kids and all the cash\nEverything’s coming up roses\nAnd I’ll be lucky\nIf I keep the shirt that’s on my back\nMy head is buried in my hands\nThe courtroom is adjourned\nShe got all I ever made\nAnd all I’ll ever earn\nIf I had a handkerchief\nI’d break right down and cry\nWhy, even Johnny Carson\nGot a better deal than mine\nEverything’s coming up roses\nThe house, the car\nThe kids and all the cash\nEverything’s coming up roses\nAnd I’ll be lucky\nIf I keep the shirt that’s on my back\nEverything’s coming up roses\nAnd I’ll be lucky\nIf I keep the shirt that’s on my back