Chicks Dig Jerks - Bill Hicks

Oh, man

Oh, Hitler had Eva Braun

Manson had Squeaky Fromme

Ted Bundy got lots of dates

I wonder what I'm doing wrong

I don't pretend to understand women's little quirks

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks, yeah

Well, if I meet one more single mom

Whose true love is up and gone

Tells me on her trailer porch

'Bout that man, still carries a torch

Sure, he came home drunk each night

Beat the kids and her in a fight

But man, she loves him so!

It's so hard to let him go, oww

Well, I don't pretend to understand women's little quirks

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks

Well, I'm sure there's some out there can relate

Take the young man without a date

See some jerk, some fine fine babe

Drivin' away, oww

Well, is that a new bruise you got on you?

What does it say, that he loves you?

Sure, he beats you, but afterwards he cries

Oh baby, I could die

Honey, I don't think that's nothin' to be proud of

I think it's called alcoholism

I don't think you should move away

Stay with him 'til you're in your grave, yeah

"You're so sweet."

"Can't we just be friends?"

"I think of you as a brother."

"Awwww, man."

Ow.

Ow.

You're hurtin' me

Ow.

Ow

What do I have to offer you, baby?

Poetry and true love

That's not enough, I know for sure

You need someone to throw you through the door

Well, I don't pretend to understand women's little quirks

Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks, oww

Yeah

Chicks dig jerks, so true

Tell you man, be mean to 'em, man

They'll never leave you then

'Cause chicks dig jerks

Just ignore 'em, act like they're not there

Man, you're gonna be pullin' chicks out of your hair

They love that

Whoo!

Act like you don't care

Oh, look at 'em everywhere!

They come runnin'

Whoo!

Tired of bein' a good guy

Such a lonely life

I'm gonna be a jerk!

Yeah, that's right!

I'm gonna step on lots of toes

Whoo!

Girls gonna go crazy for that guy

Baby, I'mma act like I don't even know you

Whoo!

Not gonna return one of your calls!

Ho!

I hear her, she's already at the door, man

She's intrigued by my indifference!

Whoo!

I'm a jerk!

And it's working out