Two Time Loser - Mickey Avalon

I’m a two time loser and a three time cheat

A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak

If you wanna know just what makes me tick

Call up Candy and ask the bitch

I write my rhymes in white shoe polish

Learn to read with Hooked on Phonics

Pop’s died broke, alone, with jaundice

So Mom’s taught me bought hydroponics

Got the rat skinned coat but I trap that beaver

Oscar Mayer paid to see my Weiner

I used to get touched by my P.E.

teacher

But now I spit heat through stolen speakers

I’m a two time loser and a three time cheat

A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak

If you wanna know just what makes me tick

Call up Candy and ask the bitch

My car don’t start but I still get in it

To smoke some sticks and eat my spinach

The shock therapy done left me skittish

I’m a schmuck and a putz, please excuse my Yiddish

My credit card’s maxed but I still use it

To crush that coke to gangster music

My cellphone screen’s so smashed it’s useless

Put me in a straight coat I’m 'bout to lose it

I’m a two time loser and a three time cheat

A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak

If you wanna know just what makes me tick

Call up Candy and ask the bitch

My crib’s so foul that my bitch got rickets

But she still come through for them conjugal visits

Selling that sex is a dirty business but my white dick is damn delicious

I owe my landlord 3 years wages so I placed an ad in the yellow pages:

«There ain’t nothing that’s too outrageous so call me up for sexual favours»

I’m a two time loser and a three time cheat

A no good boozer and a smoked out tweak

If you wanna know just what makes me tick

Call up Candy and ask the bitch