In Different Ways - Jon LaJoie

I can see it in your eyes girl

That you’re in the mood for love

So I light some candles, pour some wine

Come sit down on the rug

But there’s something I must tell you, babe

Before we take this step

Something about me girl

That you do not know yet

I have no penis

It was torn off

In a bicycle accident

In nineteen ninety nine

I also lost one testicle

So all I have is a weird uni-ball

And a rubber tube, between my legs

But babe, I can love you in different ways

I’ll make love to you with the rubber tube

That I use for urinating

I’ll just tape two Popsicle sticks around it

Make it easier for penetrating

And having only one ball

Isn’t always a bad thing

It’s like a pool ball in a pillow case

It’s like a cherry on a sundae

'Cause girl

I have no penis

I have no cock

If it looks like I have a ball

Just 'cause I stuff it with a sock

Girl, I know that you’re afraid

But I promise, baby, if you stay

I’ll put a cucumber in the microwave

And babe, I will love you in different…

…ways

Just because I don’t have a cock

It doesn’t mean I can’t rock

Just because I don’t have a cock

It doesn’t mean I can’t rock

Just because I don’t have a cock

It doesn’t mean I can’t rock

Don’t be fooled by my lack of a cock

I’m still Johny from the block

O-o-oh yeah